Monday, March 21, 2011

gross stuff

can i let out a huge groan right now? im trying to put together the application for the Residency Relocation Loan right now and i just want to barf. im about 95% sure we'll need a co-signer to get the loan, but i really dont want to ask. and it's not pride either. it's guilt.

i feel this massive amount of GUILT whenever we need to ask for help because there's only one option: his parents. and i hate that. i hate feeling like i might be burdening them. or making them feel like we're using them. because i dont want them to EVER feel like that. i keep telling myself that everyone is investing in Scotch's future. that there will be a time when we can pay everything back to everyone.

i dont want much. i promise. im not looking for the big "payday" at the end. we matched in Ortho, which means there will be money {serious money} down the road {god willing nothing changes}. but i dont want the big house or the expensive cars. i want to get rid of the MASSIVE private medical school tuition debt. i want to pay off our house and debts. i want to buy my kids shoes without worrying. i want to take my mom out to lunch. is that too much to ask? i hope not.

you're talking to a girl who put herself through college. i came/come from NO MONEY whatsoever. in fact, we struggled pretty heavily all growing up. my parents still struggle. it breaks my heart and i hate watching it. so, money is a hard subject for me. it makes me feel sick and nervous.

and despite all of this, im filling out the paperwork and working up the courage to ask for yet another favor. is this normal? do you all feel like this? we go to a private school and our tuition bill is SKY HIGH. so i dont even understand this "loan utopia" that ive heard about. we live off of less than $1600 a month. im being real people. and reality hurts.


  1. We took out the residency relocation loan months ago and it's gone.... completely gone. Our move cost some big bucks. So, between moving expenses, paying double rent for 6 months, purchasing a car, and paying for applications/travel/residency stuff.... let's just say it went fast.
    Did you see the post in my blog regarding our student loan debt? Well, if we were to start paying tomorrow and paid $2000 a month at the current interest rate for 25 years.. we'd end up paying a total of $600,000. for med school loans. Sounds like robbery to me.
    Here's my little opinion on the parental part. If parents are able and willing, let them help. My folks always say that you can't take it with you when you die and they would also rather watch me enjoy it while they're still alive.
    Here's another tidbit... I worked as much as possible in 2009 and had a total income of $3000. That along with the leftover loan money was all we had. It was horrible! If it wasn't for my parents, we would have died hungry. They would occasionally mail us a check so we could buy groceries (like $100. twice a year) and I stretched it as far as possible. My parents also bought all of my running shoes. I was running like crazy and eating (primarily eggs and cottage cheese) like a bird. As my clothes started falling off, I asked friends if they'd like to donate. So I would either splurge and spend $6.00 at Goodwill or wear hand-me-downs from friends. Thank goodness for friends!
    My point is that you're not alone. I'm just as sick over these loans as the next person. If there's one thing that can send me running for the toilet or about to give me an anxiety attack... it's finances. What really kills me is knowing that our house would have been paid for in full by now and we would have been completely debt free if we hadn't gone on this journey. So, for the moment, I'm going to remind myself that we took the road less traveled.... And that we're living like nobody else today so we can live like nobody else tomorrow.
    Now... let's all get through this together!

  2. I feel your pain, we relocated for residency, then did it again 3 months later. We had to put the 2nd relocation on the credit card and the monthly payments were in the $300 range.

    We are in the same position as far as parents and in-laws. Mine aren't in a position to help. I watch them struggle to keep their business afloat in this bad economy. Chad's parents, on the other hand, are at a point in life where they have descent income.

    Finally this February we were in over our heads, couldn't afford to make the credit card payment from the second relocation. Previously we kept putting things on the credit card, like groceries, to open up cash to make the credit card payment with. This can only go on so long until you hit rock bottom i.e. the limit to the credit card. That's when he turned to his parents for a "bail out." I felt sick. I want to be able to make it on my own! Be a real grown up at 33.

    I finally decided-

    1. I am not in debt, he is. (I never co-signed or put my name on a single thing)
    2. He's going to pay it back, not me.
    3. His parents birthed him,reared him, they can give HIM money for HIS career and debts if they want to. I just have to graciously accept/stay out of it.

    (I try to avoid even being the go between. When they call and mention money I hand the phone over to him.)

    On a bittersweet note: Once you start trying to live on a resident's salary you'll forget all about those loans.

    I am pained on a daily basis trying to live within our means. There's not enough Dave Ramsey to get us through this!

    Between feeding our children putting gas in the car we are beyond our means. That's with shopping sales, NEVER eating out and carpooling/cutting down on trips as much as possible.

    There is no money for school pictures, cable, clothing or snow cones.

    Like you, I'm not after the big and rich stuff, I just want to be happy when my child gets a birthday party invite instead of cringing thinking about how on earth to buy a gift and how much gas the car will need to get there.

  3. Oh man, you guys, I am feeling so guilty about posting those financial details when I talked about why I am excited we matched here.

    Stacie you know this because we were friends and almost neighbors back in these days, but I was married once before, and things were not so good in the finances department. In fact, they were every bit as bad as you have both described. Except we didn't have kids. Things were so bad, in fact, that I (now) attribute our divorce to our finances and the fact that we married too young and were really immature (and not the fact that he had an affair). My point is that although I am not living in the same world as you both are now, I have SOOOO been there, and I really wince when I read this because I know how hard it is. My finances got so bad, I lost my house to foreclosure, I had to file bankruptcy, and then I got evicted from my apartment because I got sick and missed too many days at work, got fired and had no money to pay rent. I lost everything at age 22, and had to start completely over. I can't imagine what you guys are going through with kids. You are awesome to be so strong to get through it like this. I promise to never again mention money on this blog. That was crappy of me.

    I really think the main reason we are a little ahead is that we did undergrad here, med school here and now residency here, so we have only had to move once (Well, not counting our move from OK to TX) and it was only about 30 miles South for med school. Plus the cost of living here is just really good.

  4. Colleen your great luck brings me happiness!!! The point of this blog is to share the good, the bad, and the ugly in an open and honest format.

    Please don't edit yourself. The fact is that money, or lack there of, is a huge factor in our lives.

    I am revelling in your good fortune!

  5. dont you EVER censure yourself colleen. in fact, you should be proud of where you're at!!! and while i sometimes bitch and whine, the truth is im really lucky in so many other ways. we have 2 really reliable cars. we do own a house here and will be able to buy another when we move. we DO have avenues to get help from. i just need to do better about reminding myself of those things.

  6. Matching is not a cheap event. Good lord. Though there is so much to look forward to- the new friends and relationships you will build, a new town... find the good things in all of this.

    We moved to ann arbor and even though it's not our last stop we sure love it!

    I started a food website (FINALLY) for md wives... easy and tasty recipes.

    Check it out!

    ANd yes don't edit yourself!

  7. I'm wondering how we're starting 4th year of MS and haven't yet ever heard about Residency Relocation Loans? Not that we want to keep adding to that ginormous number but depending where we end up it could cost us a lot more than we really have in the bank. I guess it's something I need to go research!