Thursday, August 4, 2011

Hiding Your Spouse's Profession

I need advice!  I have been interviewing for jobs because I moved to a new city.  Naturally, one of the questions that comes up from interviewers/recruiters is "What brings you to this city?"  I say "My husband got a job here."  Most people are satisfied with that question.  I'd say like 60% will stop there.  The other 40% are unable to resist and are *dying* to know what he does.  I made the mistake of telling one recruiter at an employment agency that he is a resident.  The woman just rolled her eyes at me.  I can't imagine, ever rolling my eyes at someone's response to a question that I asked them.

I got smart right away and stopped indulging these people's curiosity.  I say little pansy lines like "oh even I don't know what he does!" and employers respond well to that.  I don't want to lie, but I don't want to give them yet another reason to judge me.  You might think I'm paranoid, but I really have had people ask me what my husband does [even though I never ask others that question, ever], then roll their eyes at me, or say generally hurtful things they otherwise wouldn't say if my husband was basically any other profession.

What should I do?  How should I respond to these prospective employers?

6 comments:

  1. Why would people roll their eyes? Your husband isn't a bank robber or a drug dealer. Weirdos. I say "he works in the hospital." Or you could say "He works with (insert type of rotation here) patients." Like, "Oh! He works with orthopedic patients!" You can quickly change the subject by saying "And I'm so glad his job brought us to this community. I LOVE the park. And this company seems like a great fit for me because (name attributes of the company you researched)." Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Another approach my be to dodge the whole "what brought you to this area completely". Instead of your husbands jobs brining you here, is there something else about the area that would have drawn you if the match didn't tell you where to go? You could give them your number two reason instead of number one. For us it could easily have the been the family friendly community. That is partly how we ranked programs we were interested in. I hate answering that question and go through the same hierarchy of answers: he works at the hospital, he's a resident, a doctor, surgeon, neurosurgeon.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I seem to have a propensity to be a little too proud of my dear hubby combined with my loss of individuality through these few years makes me talk way to much to too many people about what he does. I want to turn it off, but its like the only thing I have to talk about. So sad. Wish I could turn myself off sometimes. Our whole lives have turned to being fully centered on his work.

    ReplyDelete
  4. im actually VERY open about the whole doctor/husband thing. but that's because im very vocal about dispelling the "myths" of being a doctor's wife. for better or worse, i usually "educate" people on the reality of it - the LONG hours, the DEBT!, the lack of control, etc. and ive found that to be more effective than hiding it. but that's just me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Up until this recent job search, I have not disclosed that I am married, let alone to a physician. We have had to relocate several times to different states and I state that I want to move to be closer to family and that stops them in their tracks. Some employers are biased against resident spouses because they know that the training is term limited and that you might have to move after a few years. I don't ever mention my spouse until I've started work.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for the insight, ladies. My personal strategy of not bringing it up combined with evading questions is working well. I'm only going to be in the city for 10 more months, I want that time with my coworkers to be pleasant.

    ReplyDelete