Monday, May 30, 2011

liar liar

i think by now most of us have a pretty large mental folder called: "Lies We Tell". as the wife of an MS, you start adding to that folder and by now mine is pretty large. but this weekend, i caught a glimpse at just how big it can become.

i would ask if you knew what i was talking about, but we all know you do.

this weekend, i jumped into the social scene here in my stereotypical midwest town. saturday i went to a church social for women and since our congregation is made up of maybe 75% medicine-related people (mostly residents, some med students) the wives were almost all residency widows. sunday was church where we (again) met (a few) residents and their spouses/children. and then today was the big day. today, was a memorial day bbq for the ortho residents and their families.

saturday and sunday i spoke with a LOT of people (mostly women). and i kept hearing these lies; these blatant lies.

  • residency isnt nearly as bad as med school (thanks FP's wife whose husband is in an awesome clinic with hours i could only dream of)
  • it's not that bad
  • the hours arent that bad
  • your kids will still get a lot of time with their dad
  • you'll get your husband in the evenings
  • attendings are all really nice. your husband will be treated really well.
  • you're finally making money! it's great to have an income!
  • it's not that bad... really! get the point...

there's a kernel of truth in some of them, but it's just that - a kernel. then the story changed dramatically on monday. i was actually really happy with how much i liked the wives and how well we all got along. everyone was really nice and friendly and welcoming. but after the initial introductions, i noticed that they all showed signs of fatigue. there were those with husbands on call, and therefore absent. some had husbands show up mid-party in scrubs. others were there with husbands they hadnt seen in a few days {weeks really}. some kids clung to dads like glue and others seemed a little uncomfortable with their dads giving them directions.

and you could see how TIRED everyone was. it was a very upbeat and happy party, and yet you still heard the same conversation snippets, "i seriously havent seen him in 3 days, let alone spent any time with him alone," "my family has no clue just how gone he is," "it was just another example of how much im on my own right now," etc., etc., etc. i think they were all honest because they were all in the same trench. there was no point in lying because they were all in the exact same boat.

and so it was MY turn to lie. they all expected and accepted it. i said how happy i was to start residency, how i was so independent and not used to him being around. i blabbed that i was eager to get started so that i could get on a schedule again and how exciting! the whole thing was.

but it was 99% bullshit.

so here's the TRUTH: i LOVE having orthoman home all the time. this past month has been rough at times, but i wouldnt trade it for the world. the bug and i LOVE that he's around for hugs or kisses or playing. i wish we could stay in this bubble forever. our days start with bug climbing into bed with us and an hour of snuggling. our nights end with long talks before we fall asleep. im actually spending time with my husband and im finding all these *new* reasons to love him. im dreading residency and im already a little resentful towards all the residents who will gobble up all of his time. le sigh. right now, im not a med wife. and it's actually really nice.


  1. Those statements are true for some residencies, but probably not an ortho one. Sorry. Except for the money one. Who in the heck is financially sound in residency?!

  2. Chad is anesthesia and that's supposed to be pretty cush... I have not seen him for a week.

    Not awake anyway.

    It's awful and I'm homesick and I need more income to keep up the lifestyle that I, for-what-ever-reasons, seem to need.

    I'm tired because I sleep with one eye open while he's gone. Protecting the home and what not.

    Many women feel like they need to put on a happy face. That was why I created this blog. Too many fake happy fronts.

    Yes, we must fake happy in front of our kids til it hurts, but we don't need to with each other.

    If we can put down the fake fronts and honestly support one another, we can make it through this!

  3. i just wish we all lived a little closer and could meet up for some truth time... i feel a little bit naked posting the truth for god knows who to see on the internet. i'll let you infer if its a pretty or an ugly truth... :)

  4. I loved this post so much! It really made me feel like for ONCE someone else gets it. Looking to start my own blog soon...trying to be clever with the name- my hubby is a 3rd year general surgery resident who has added at least 2 years of research and maybe a PHd and fellowship to the journey...Thank you for your blog. It is just what I need some days!

  5. Thank you! I LOVE trying to explain to other people who are not married to physicians how crazy their life really is. And no, we do not have family dinner at our table every night! My hubby is lucky if he even gets to eat dinner before falling into bed! Hang in there gals, it is not easy being married to a doctor! Love you all for your honesty and transparency. Thanks for making me not feel like a loon!

  6. I'm a little new to this party, but I noticed you are going to be in Toledo, OH. My dad did his anesthesiology residency at what used to be the Medical College of Ohio. I pretty much grew up in Toledo, but I don't remember too much of it. It's centrally located, so you aren't too far from a weekend away in Detroit, Chicago, Cleveland, Indy, etc. I wouldn't mind moving back, I can't seem to get out of the Rust Belt anyway :)