Thursday, January 6, 2011

Picking a Dream

At some point we have to narrow down our aspirations. Pick from our field of dreams, a good noble dream and go forward.

Much like the match process, there is pain in letting go of the other dreams. In the medicine match you have 10-15 possible lives ahead. Yes, it's nice to find out which road you will be taking, but there is also pain in letting the other 11 go.

For me it was acting. The dream of going to NY or LA and pursuing an acting career. I also had a dream of a family. My senior year of college I chose to marry my love and for a while I thought I could have both my dreams.

I got a job working at a television station. It was not what I was really wanting to do. Along came a little baby and I quit my job. I found many opportunities to get involved in independent film. This was much closer to what I really wanted. Then another little blessing came along. I still kept hoping that residency or something would take us to LA.

I was at film festivals all over the region. I finally flew out to LA after the baby was born and tried to network and rub elbows with the right people. I had a great time, but it did not seem to further my acting career any.

I always planned to pursue acting until I turned 40, but at 33 years old, as a mother of 3 in Jacksonville, FL, I am finding that it is time for me to let that dream fizzle for the sake of my own happiness.

I am grateful that I've been so blessed in my dream of being deeply in love with my husband. I am also grateful for my 3 beautiful children. Like in the movie "17 Again," I don't know that if given the opportunity I would change a single thing.

Except buying that house in Tennessee.


  1. I feel that aspiring actors suffer from a deep, self-inflicted curse. What compares to being the subject of mass admiration and the recipient of public accolades; to have the security of knowing even your most mundane daily activities like what kind of bagel you had for lunch will be scrutinized and studied, and that nobody can shame you, not even yourself, without a public outcry from your fans. Really, what compares? And this is the curse that aspiring actors live in spite of everyday.

    I tell myself: enjoy the mundane in your private world, in all its obscurity and irrelevance, for even todays most successful actors will share this obscurity and irrelevance in 200 years. In this respect, my life is the same as theirs.
    But really, they may be obscure in 15-30 years. I do not want to be Raquel Welch in 2010, going on Oprah and talking about how difficult it is to see your former glory usurped by some younger, prettier thing.

    A friend once told me that letting go of the dream is sad because he has talents that may now be wasted. I told him to make a viral video on youtube. He simply isn't making it after 25+ years (he is 31)!

  2. I loved this post - what great insight into your background. I'm sorry the acting dream didn't work out, but it's so lovely to hear that your dream of a family did come true.