Lately I have been so cranky with Ben, my MSIV hubby. I know rotations take their toll on our med students/resident husbands with the ever-changing schedules and essentially starting a new job every 4-6 weeks with all new co-workers and the likes, but it is hard on us wives, too! I want to support him and make his day better, but by the end of MY day, I often feel like I have nothing left to give!
For the last 3 years, I have been running an in-home preschool in Fort Worth, TX with 10 kids, average age of 3 years, (2 are mine) so that I can stay home with our own kiddos, thus saving on child care and bringing home an income of around $4,000 a month. I like being home with my kids, and I like teaching, but so many days I am so worn out and pulled in so many directions that by the end of the day I want someone to listen to ME whine and vent about how so-and-so did this and how Sam (my 18 monther) threw up on me twice because of his drainage-and-bad-gag-reflex combo. I work hard! I want someone to feel sorry for ME and rub MY feet and pamper ME. The last time I tried to vent to Ben, he told me about how 2 kids passed away during his shift at the children's hospital he was rotating in at the time. That sure made me feel crappy about my trivial gripes.
When Ben was MSI, I had just had my first child, and I had quit teaching public school to stay home with Jackson and to get my business set up. I worked out every morning for 2+ hours, made awesome dinners from scratch, made his lunch every day, spent all day playing and teaching solely Jackson, and my house was always clean. I was eager for Ben to get home and listen about his experiences at school, and share things about my day. We actually interacted and supported each other, whereas now I feel like we are both so exhausted that we live in divide and conquer mode. When home, he's working on the little honey do's like unclogging a sink that hasn't been draining properly for a month, or taking the 7 year old Dodge Neon in to replace an oil pump. I'm doing the everyday stuff on my own, like cooking meals, bathing the boys, picking up the house. We rarely interact anymore and certainly don't have money for a babysitter AND the cost of a night out. We always say, "Just wait until ___ time, then we'll be really living it up. It'll all be worth it then!" But does anyone ever worry that they won't make it to that time!?