Here's what has been on my mind lately:
Ok, so my husband just began residency but when Adam began medical school, I remember having a discussion with my new-found friends, other wives of medical students. We all discussed the negative comments that were made to us when people (often, strangers!) found out that we were married to someone beginning medical school. They went something like this:
Oh, a doctor, eh? You'll never see him!
Oh, my sister married a guy and after he went to medical school then he graduated and cheated on her with a nurse and left her!
and the like. (These comments are best said in an old-lady, scratchy voice for the full effect.)
So, we all discussed these comments and were intrigued at peoples' perceptions and ideas of helpfulness towards us.
It was fine.
Now, that I'm beginning a new phase (residency), I'm experiencing a lot of the same conversations that I took a part in, four years ago.
Some are helpful. Like, an older, married doctor who was advising Adam on how to establish appropriate boundaries with employees of the opposite sex at the hospital.
Some only create fear. Like, people telling me that I need to show up (with homemade cookies, of course) at the hospital all the time because, only then, the nurses won't try to jump my husband.
Adam and I have had to sit down and have several discussions about these situations and conversations. I was suddenly plagued with insecurity and fear and a general pit in my stomach. I wanted to push Adam away. I wanted him to know that I am desirable too. I wanted to gain three hundred pounds. I wanted to be a tiny stepford wife. I wanted to have a job with muchos men just to show him how it might feel.
But here's the thing:
I have no reason not to trust Adam.
And honestly, every nurse that I am friends with is a woman of integrity and most of them are married.
Nevertheless, we (both of us) do have to be on guard and establish appropriate boundaries with anyone that could threaten our marriage. Our marriage does have a real enemy (and it ain't a nurse), who wishes to steal, kill & destroy. Therefore, communication is key. Accountability is crucial.
I don't need to know that my husband loves me and is more attracted to me than anyone else in the world, although that is nice. I need to know that he is committed to defending and protecting our marriage and my heart. I need to know that he has a plan in place, boundaries set up, accountability in place. I need to know that the fear of the Lord is in his heart and he is aware of the temptations and pitfalls in the world and workplace.
I want my husband to love his job. I want him to enjoy the people at work. But I want our marriage, and our family, to win.
(I also posted this tonight for my med school wife friends over at this site):