liar liar

i think by now most of us have a pretty large mental folder called: "Lies We Tell". as the wife of an MS, you start adding to that folder and by now mine is pretty large. but this weekend, i caught a glimpse at just how big it can become.

i would ask if you knew what i was talking about, but we all know you do.

this weekend, i jumped into the social scene here in my stereotypical midwest town. saturday i went to a church social for women and since our congregation is made up of maybe 75% medicine-related people (mostly residents, some med students) the wives were almost all residency widows. sunday was church where we (again) met (a few) residents and their spouses/children. and then today was the big day. today, was a memorial day bbq for the ortho residents and their families.

saturday and sunday i spoke with a LOT of people (mostly women). and i kept hearing these lies; these blatant lies.

• residency isnt nearly as bad as med school (thanks FP's wife whose husband is in an awesome clinic with hours i could only dream of)
• it's not that bad
• the hours arent that bad
• your kids will still get a lot of time with their dad
• you'll get your husband in the evenings
• attendings are all really nice. your husband will be treated really well.
• you're finally making money! it's great to have an income!
• it's not that bad... really!

anyways...you get the point...

there's a kernel of truth in some of them, but it's just that - a kernel. then the story changed dramatically on monday. i was actually really happy with how much i liked the wives and how well we all got along. everyone was really nice and friendly and welcoming. but after the initial introductions, i noticed that they all showed signs of fatigue. there were those with husbands on call, and therefore absent. some had husbands show up mid-party in scrubs. others were there with husbands they hadnt seen in a few days {weeks really}. some kids clung to dads like glue and others seemed a little uncomfortable with their dads giving them directions.

and you could see how TIRED everyone was. it was a very upbeat and happy party, and yet you still heard the same conversation snippets, "i seriously havent seen him in 3 days, let alone spent any time with him alone," "my family has no clue just how gone he is," "it was just another example of how much im on my own right now," etc., etc., etc. i think they were all honest because they were all in the same trench. there was no point in lying because they were all in the exact same boat.

and so it was MY turn to lie. they all expected and accepted it. i said how happy i was to start residency, how i was so independent and not used to him being around. i blabbed that i was eager to get started so that i could get on a schedule again and how exciting! the whole thing was.

but it was 99% bullshit.

so here's the TRUTH: i LOVE having orthoman home all the time. this past month has been rough at times, but i wouldnt trade it for the world. the bug and i LOVE that he's around for hugs or kisses or playing. i wish we could stay in this bubble forever. our days start with bug climbing into bed with us and an hour of snuggling. our nights end with long talks before we fall asleep. im actually spending time with my husband and im finding all these *new* reasons to love him. im dreading residency and im already a little resentful towards all the residents who will gobble up all of his time. le sigh. right now, im not a med wife. and it's actually really nice.

IARS Conference in Vancouver

This was our first opportunity to go to a conference! The fun part is that all of Chad's expenses are covered. We just had to fly me out. Which wasn't cheap btw.

Chad took a couple days of Vaca in conjunction and we drove up to the Winter Olympic ski village of whistler.

Stanley Park was right by the hotel and quite lovely.

Here's Chad with his big fancy poster. He did awesome in his presentation!

Fondue for two!

Toledo: Day 1

im alive - i swear.

ive made it to toledo (finally).

we get internet set up on Friday.

i am trying to blog at a hotel with crappy internet.

residency starts in 38 days.

im starting to look forward to it.

writing in short sentences gets old.

expect a real post sometime this weekend.

Applying for Fellowships - What I have learned so far

1. Even if Dr. H thinks he knows when to apply for fellowships, he should call programs and ask.
If you think it's time to apply - you're too late already.
Chad applied when his friends began to apply and many of the programs are already full. It's still 1 year and 1/2 away!!!!

2. It's who you know, not what you know. Have no shame in asking for phone calls and letter of recs from people who went to the fellowship you are interested in. The programs we have gotten interviews from either know him personally or one of his recommenders. If not, we haven't heard a word.

3. One interview with flight, rental and hotel is about $500. That's super fun; make it count.

4. Have program director look over CV before sending it out. My hubby's was not properly formatted for what he was applying. We needed to completely reformat and rewrite the whole thing!

5. Once you think everything should have been received, CALL THE PROGRAM AND VERIFY THAT THEY HAVE EVERYTHING!!!!!!! Do this early. When you find out what is missing, get it sent off by fax or mail then- CALL THE PROGRAM AND VERIFY THAT THEY HAVE EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

Waiting Until Monday

Having a Dr. Hubby means we wait until Monday. Last weekend Cougar broke his arm playing with friends. Using a ruler and an ace bandage we splinted it up as Chad ran through his list of "what they would do in the ER" and we did it ourselves. I felt unsettled all weekend, because I am not used to NOT running to the ER because we have a Dr in the house. In the end he got in to an orthopedic on Tuesday and it totally did not matter that we did not go to the ER. They fixed him up in a cast just the same.

Then THIS weekend Brock got sand in his eye at the beach. It swelled up like a mother and he was an unhappy camper. We were at the beach with another Resident DR. and between the two of them they flushed Brock's eye with saline thoroughly. Even with two doctors present I felt REALLY unsettled not taking my baby to the ER. They assured me he'd be fine and his eye looks much better today, but I am still threatening to run him to an optho tomorrow if he's not all better.

I know they went to med school at all, but do you ever feel like you need to run them to a "real dr" just to be sure?

wonderings

ive been doing a lot of "wondering" lately. it seems like a common activity amongst the "almost resident wives" i know. we're on the cusp of this REALLY HUGE CHANGE, but it's not here yet. so here's a list of just *some* of my wonderings...

I wonder...

- where we're going to live in a couple of months

- if our house is going to sell soon

- where i'll go grocery shopping

- who will be the Bug's favorite playmate

- if there are a lot of other "quilters" and "sewers" that i'll meet

- what the best LQS {local quilt shop} is

- who will be my OrthoMan's closest friends

- if we'll find a good place to take the Bug swimming this summer

- what the weather will actually be like

- if i'll have trouble locating some of my favorite products

- what stores will they not have that ive learned to love

- is this a place with lots of good thrift stores???

- what will be my favorite place to go hang out

- what kind of outdoor activities are available AND fun

- will there be a lot of other med wives for me to lean on and associate with

- how long will it take for me to build a "family" of friends

- if i'll ever actually see my OrthoMan

- what kind of call schedule will "we" be on

- how the stress manifest itself on me and OrthoMan

- how the Bug will react to having OrthoMan gone again

- what will happen to our sex life

- how long it will be before we cave and I get a dog again {soon i hope!}

- if family will want to visit Toledo or if we'll have to go see them

- what the monthly budget will be

- if our neighbors will like us

- if the Bug will like playing the leaves this fall

- if the Bug will ever get tired of watching Cars

- if i can avoid seeing Cars 2 this summer

- if i'll ever capitalize my writing on purpose

what's on your "wondering" list???

Child Cruelty

What a medical training life does to a child is cruel. Especially when Daddy is off-cycle. Starting new schools every year or two is a brutal process. Chad changes on Oct. 1st instead of July 1st which is a kid's double whammy (new school mid-year).

I have a decision to make that is proving to be near impossible. I've been back and forth everyday (every 5 minutes) for about 3 months. I want to present my paradox and get your feedback.

We moved mid-year during this school year to a new home in the same general area, but different elementary school district. Rather than traumatize my 9 year old and make him change schools mid-year for the 2nd year in a row I have been driving him to his old school everyday about 4 miles away (16 mile total driving per day).

We only have one more school year left after this one here in FL and my daughter starts Kindergarten in the fall.

The skyrocketing gas prices have made it very difficult to buy gas and pay for all the other expenses of living. Putting our two kids in the new neighborhood school next fall would cut down on daily driving tremendously (we could ride our bikes everyday!)

Do I risk pulling my son out of a school he loves to do one year at the neighborhood school, just to move again the next year for one year at a new school again at the fellowship location?

Or do I do what ever it takes - eat beans, rice and ramen-, even if gas is $5-$6 dollars a gallon next year to avoid torturing this poor child with yet another new school?

btw - he can keep all his same after school activities, cubscouts, baseball, piano, only the school would change. The new school is supposed to be just as good academically.
Also, he is very opposed to changing schools.

I am at a point where I cannot make a decision. I know this is something where Chad and I have to make the ultimate choice, but I beg for your feedback, please. Perhaps your experiences could help tip the scales one way or the other.